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Dj Lights Bag!
VIDEO CONTEST! 2nd Annual American DJ Summer Shout Out!
Dj Lights Bag Questions
make this better?
The Chevrolet Astro van rode smoothly and patiently. It stopped at every red light and stop sign you could imagine though the belt parkway was nearly empty. The van, with a full tank of gas, streched it for as long as it could. Inside the van were Fritz, Little DJ, Yay, Beemer and Dell. They remained silent as Yayo steered the van. After a few hours in New Jersey they were tired and wanted to finish their job. Dell kept his eyes focused on the merchandise. Numerous duffel bags and sling bags were packed into the back of the van containing 2000 kilos of uncut heroin and cocaine. The cocaine were packed into the duffel bags, each bag containing up to 15 kilos and the heroin was in the sling bags. Fritz shook his head still he couldn’t believe they were acutally in the vicinty of $390,000,000 worth of drugs. Fritz was the smartest person in the van. He was known for his quick wit and sense of humor. Unlike all the others he graduated high school and briefly attended NYU for two years
Here’s some problems, you introduced the characters as fritz, little dj, yay, beemer, and dell, but later, you said that Yayo was steering the van.
Read through the second sentence again, I’m not so sure I get what you’re trying to say. Well, I do, but it’s kind of a run on sentence.
After a few hours in New Jersey(you could put a comma here), they were tired and wanted to finish their job.
The last sentence: it could do with a comma between others and he. Then you could change graduated high school to graduated form high school.
If you’re introducing your characters, you should introduce them all, and not just a few.
And you should split this huge mega-paragraph into two or three smaller paragraphs.
I’ll give you a editing tip. When you proofread it, you should read from the bottlom, one sentence at a time, that way you would be able to easily detect mistakes. For example: Unlike all the others he graduated high school and briefly attended nyu for two years. He was known for his quick wit and sense of humor.
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Stevie Roberts was the drummer for famed punk –rock band UK SUBS, and as such made several appearances on Top of the Pops as well as other high-profile shows back in the 1980s. Now a front man in his own right, Stevie has recently released his new single, ‘Wild Trash’ to much acclaim, and is embarking on a festival tour in 2010. A true showman and enigma!
Ruby Diamond, quietly seductive and slightly disconcerting even to Tufty Gordon. This is rather different from the usual in-yer-face drag, the comedy slightly disturbing for rampant heterosexuals, surprised at their susceptibility to this attractive but dangerous personality.
Local legend and all-round entrepreneur! His DJ skills are in huge demand and he is regularly seen spinning the decks, not just in Yorkshire, but all over the country. Injecting his own brand of humour and personality into proceedings, Richie has put on events for the likes of the Emmerdale cast, the BBC, the cast of Heartbeat and ITV. www.ukentertainmentonline.com
Bag Piper Based in, North Yorkshire in the Fire Station, the band travels right across the County of North Yorkshire and beyond performing at public engagements and competitions. The band currently competes in Grade 4 and is a member of theRoyal Scottish Pipe Band
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